Psychologists Explain What Is Ailing Young Love

Love is a beautiful thing. However, there is so much that revolves around this feeling especially because there are two people involved. These are two people with their own characters, feelings, likes and dislikes. For a love relationship to work, these two people need to meet halfway in most of the important. The love scene might have changed or we might have become more exposed to information. A lot is happening to people in love and it has become a dangerous affair in some cases. A look at the world of love by Mediamaxnetwork explains why there is a need to look deeper in what is ailing love.

Not a week passes without a relationship scandal rocking the country. From multiple battery cases, homicides involving jilted partners and love triangles, to suicides triggered by betrayal and increased new HIV infections, dating or getting in a relationship today is tantamount to playing a rigged extreme sport with the odds ever against you.

As much as the subjects may feel far removed, it is important to note that it could be you, either meting out the violence, or on the receiving end. All these cases were all happy couples once. Moreover, ask yourself this, has your better other ever pissed you off so much you felt like you could hit him or her?”

If you answered yes to the question above, then you must have reached the extreme feeling stage but might have not actualized your feelings. The point is that love or lust drove you to the end of the line and you felt like hurting someone on the basis that you love them. This is the same line or path that our minds take when we are thinking about an ex. We want our exes to do so bad when it comes to relationships for our own ‘peace of mind’.

Warning Traits

Most people have faced heartbreaks and bitterness fueled by love relationships gone bad but not all of us have the guts to act upon it. Most people move on, but there are some that will only have peace when physical harm is introduced in the equation. These are the people that we are talking about. A psychologist defines the warning traits when it comes to lovers who might cross the line.

The millennial generation has been repeatedly termed the most coddled and protected from the vagaries of life by researchers. This means they want what they want, how they want it and now! It is the ‘instant’ generation. Unfortunately, the real world, and especially relationships, do not work like that. You do not always get what you want. When the millennial meets the real world relationship, chances of toxic love, aggression and even homicide are high, as they do not know how to cope.”

The Society And The Law

Apart from personal issues, we should also look at the society and how its changes affect the love scene based on how each gender is handled.

The modern day man is also ill-equipped at handling the empowered woman. We concentrate on empowering the woman and leave the man behind. The man might, therefore, be stuck in the old mentality that he is the head, which gets challenged by a strong independent woman.

Since the man is not resilient or emotionally mature, disaster will surely follow. Some men also suffer from inferiority complex and feel that the only way to deal with an empowered woman, who they view as having emasculated them, is through a thorough beating.

They need to be empowered so that they realize that tearing down a woman does not empower them. They need to work on themselves, find out the root of their insecurity and work at it. Fighting each other is never the solution. You will still have the underlying issues long after the fight, just laying latent waiting to be triggered”

It also trickles down to the law and the judicial system. People are committing crimes that do not get the deserved attention. What happens to people who knowingly infect their partners with herpes or HIV? Probably not enough is put into such cases when it comes to the law. What does this give birth to? More crime. A person will feel like they have been wronged badly but will not want to rely on the law because of the general knowledge of the absence of redress. This, in selected cases, leads to some jilted lovers taking law into their own hands. With this information, we cannot continue wondering where the homicides and suicides are coming from if we do not look at involved laws closely.

Do you think it would be any different for me if someone infected me with HIV? It might be a crime under law, but do you think that person would face the full force of the law? I would rather go after the person who infected me personally and face the long slow force of the law. If the justice system worked as it should, some of these things would not happen”.

Codependency

We have entered a world of codependency where people jump into relationships and instead of being partners, they are codependents. Some people will only be happy when their partners are and get sad when they are not. This is an emotionally draining relationship for one person and when things go wrong, they really go wrong.

A relationship is supposed to be a partnership between two people who are independent. Codependency is when one partner depends on the other emotionally.

Their happiness is pegged on if the other partner is happy. Most of the time, a narcissistic person, one who is self-absorbed, gets into a relationship with a weaker person whose sole duty in the relationship is to cater to the narcissist’s emotional demands.

They become the codependent, who can only be happy when the narcissist is happy and automatically gets sad when they are sad. Codependents view the happiness and well-being of their partner as their personal responsibility and rationalize their bad behavior by attributing it to everything else except the narcissist.”

Dominance Is A Desease

Some people get so needy that they sabotage the essence of a relationship. If you find yourself fighting to keep someone happy by foregoing what actually makes you happy without affecting the relationship in normal settings, you might want to stay out of such a relationship.

Knight in shining armor at times turns out to be just a knight in a shining belt of harmful baggage from past relationships and codependent behavior. Psychotherapists say that some women who have been in abusive relationships describe the men as being overly chivalrous and very quick to fall in love and declare their intentions.

What follows is a push and pull with the man slowly dictating, and eventually taking over the definition for the parameters within which the partner should act. Apparently, there are always warning signs, which they see and choose to ignore or excuse for love.

If he calls constantly when you are out and keeps telling you not to hang out with your friends because he loves you (and is enough for you), he is needy, has trust issues, and is on the verge of taking over your life and telling you exactly what to do.

If you go out with the girls and he repeatedly shows up at the club ‘to protect you’ or just as ‘happenstance’, beware. There are always telltale signs of people who are emotionally immature, who pass of dominative actions or surveillance as chivalrous gestures or solicitous acts borne out of care”.

When this person feels like their dominance is threatened, they tend to get violent. If someone who claims to love you gets violent as a result of other people complimenting you, it’s time to run.

What You Should Do

Your freedom is the most important aspect of your life because when you are free you are happy.

We all have emotional baggage. It is important to see a psychologist or simply go for a therapy session so that you get in touch with your inner self. This way, you will be able to better understand yourself, your triggers and be in a better position to be in charge of your own happiness and life, rather than blaming exterior factors such as lovers

It is important to have standards. Break free from societal expectations and do what you want. Do not get into a relationship because all your girls are in one.

That is how you end up with a batterer, because you are so desperate you are willing to overlook warning traits and justify them as love. You need to be able to know what you want and be willing to let go of everything and anyone who does not meet your standards.”

Get into a relationship because you are ready and not because you are in desperate need of meeting the expectation of friends and family. Let love not blind you to the extent of ignoring the obvious traits of a person who will turn your happiness into sorrow. For people living with lifelong STDs, it’s important to use an STD dating website to avoid the anger that comes with infecting someone.

Source: This content first appeared on Psychologists Explain What Is Ailing Young Love